Saturday, March 30, 2013

Sticks and Stones May Hurt My Bones...What About a Cactus????

Don't you love it when your child invites you to hang out with them?  You, out of everyone else that could have been chosen have been asked to spend some time with them.  I love that!!!!  It makes my heart happy to get to spend that very special one on one time.

When I hang out with Brian, my older son I get to visit Harley shops and be teased with the newest and latest version of..........WHATEVER............does it really matter???  It's a HARLEY shop!!!  LOL!!!  I have to say though that I would love a Rhino or one of those grown up bikes with the three wheels on them that you could travel anywhere in luxury.  A nice cherry red would go a long ways!!!!

When I hang out with Paul, my younger son I get to visit the guitar stores and be teased with the newest and latest guitars.  They are all absolutely gorgeous!!!  What's not to love?  I'm a country girl at heart and I love my country songs.  Just not the whiny ones where somebody kicked my dog, stole my cat, killed my car, and through mud at me once.  Gives me the shivers thinking about those!!!  Off the rabbit trail now and back on track.  Grin!  At the music store I get to listen to people play the instruments sometimes.  Awhile back I got to hear someone play a ukulele.  Another time a guitar and they even sang softly while they played.  That's where you will find me hovering trying not to let them know that I am listening to them.  What talent some people are gifted with!

This was the day that Brian invited me to go riding with him.  No, I do not have a license to drive a bike and there is a reason for that.  I'll let you think about that one!  BUT I can ride out on the back roads on a four wheeler where there are lots and lots of trails to ride on.  It's beautiful out there on a chilly morning and I love to go for rides with Brian.

Now, Brian is beyond good on the back of his two wheeled bike I have to say......not only to brag, but it's the truth!  So while I'm riding ON the trail Brian is tearing off all around the trails spinning and turning and jumping way ahead of me.  BUT the cool thing is that while I could NEVER keep up with him he always comes back to check on me so I don't get off on the wrong trail.  There's a reason for that too.  :)

We got quite a ways down the dirt road with its deep dips and turns.  I had just turned to look at Brian over my left shoulder during a straight-a-way and something caught my eye.  Right there on my left backside was a softball size chunk of cactus stuck to it!  I had been so careful not to rub up against a cactus because they not only hurt, but are hard to get out!  So I stopped and Brian came over to me to see what had happened.  There was no way to hide a cactus stuck to your backside......you know???  So he assisted me getting that one off......and then another and another that I had not seen.  How they got there I'll never know!  LOL!!!

I was trying so hard not to seem inadequate on the bike for fear he would never ask me to ride again.  I love riding!!!  BUT......I had already been thrown off the bike earlier that morning.  I tried to scramble up off of the ground before he could see me and didn't make it.  Both times......yes I fell off of it twice....at least!!  Got caught each time.  He was keeping a closer eye on me than I thought.  LOL!!

We get a lot further down the road and I am so loving being outside and looking around enjoying the country that God has made trying not to miss anything AND keeping an eye out for Havoline's.  They are like a pig, but don't call them that at the zoo here because they will get mad at you and go in to a long teaching lesson with you telling you everything you didn't want to know about them!  LOL!!  AND give you dirty looks.  It's true!!!  Saw it happen and thankfully not to me.  LOL!!  Too funny!!

I'm driving now through a place where there are cactus's that jump on you.  True!!  Never heard of those until moving here.  They see you and say to their friends.....wanna jump?  Then they did!!  One hit and stuck on my leg a couple of places, my shoulder and then there was one that decided I needed a transfusion.    It had long sticky spikes on it and one of those spikes sunk in to my wrist right near a blood vessel.  I cannot describe the pain I felt as Brian and I tried to pull that spiked cactus out of my wrist.  I thought I was going to pass out at one point.  Not having the tools to pull it out it was a long process getting that big one out.  Beyond OUCH!!   :)

Isn't this the way stuff happens in life?  You're going along minding your own business and having a wonderful life and then the unthinkable happens.  You don't have time to formulate a plan.  You can't choose another door to go through.  You can only go forward.  How will you move forward?  Through all of the rough patches in life for me there is only one way to move forward and that is by holding on tightly to the hand of my Heavenly Father.

I won't leave you hanging......yes I did get invited to ride again with Brian.  On that ride about three hours in to the ride I got thrown off of the bike again and that time I just laid there.  I saw stars and couldn't breathe for awhile.  Do you know how hard a dirt road is when you hit your head on it after flying through the air?  It doesn't make for a good landing.  Brian got to my side before I could get up that time.  The bike was still running and took off a ways down the road, but thankfully it wasn't hurt.  :)  After catching my breath and resting a moment I got back on and finished the ride. 

I did all of these rides with a torn meniscus and thankfully being thrown around didn't cause any further damage to it. I had torn it in the first place when I was just walking at the zoo!!! Go figure......LOL!!!

Will I ride again?  In a heartbeat!!!!  YES!!!!  Brian tells me he has a bike for me to ride when I visit him in Colorado.   I was at the young age of 55 when I got thrown off the bike all of those times. I'm much more mature at the age of 59 and I will be putting super glue on the backside of my pants this time!!!!!   Can't wait to get on the back of it and check out those mountains!!!!  Come on......what are you waiting for?????

Friday, March 29, 2013

Words and Thoughts.......Thoughts and Words

Several years ago as the pain of all of the losses I have had in my life were whirling around in my mind causing me to feel unsettled, sad, lonely, un-valued, unworthy, etc.....etc........I found some of the words forming just made good sense.  Life is not fair, true.  Life can hurt, true.  I can live a life that is stuck, true.  I can move through, true.  It won't be easy, true.  I have help, true.
 
As all of these thoughts bumped in to one another I felt impressed to write a poem about some of my feelings.  As I started writing I felt all the emotion that you would expect to feel and then some!  My chest would feel so tight and then the tears came, but the need to write the pain out was stronger than my bruised and battered emotions I was experiencing.  What started out as painful turned in to a healing time, at least a start.........
 
As I am reading what I wrote I am amazed at how all the emotions I felt as I wrote it then come boiling right up to the surface again, but it's different.  I'm different.  I'm different because of the healing hand of my Heavenly Father who carried me through the storms that threatened to consume my body, mind and soul.  I didn't want to go on with life when pain came knocking at my door and stayed there for over ten years and then came back for more.  I slowly realized that I was trying to handle all of that pain on my own.  I couldn't do it and I was quickly drowning.  My masks were starting to crack and reveal what I was trying so valiantly to hide.  What will people think and say if they see the "real" me? 
 
God speaks to me a lot through song.  I love that!!!  I enjoy music so much.......it helps me to let go and let God as I let the lyrics wash over my ravaged body, mind and soul.  It soothes me in a way nothing else can because it is given to me by God.  It's so special to me.  A gift from God to me to show me I am his Princess and He loves me beyond what I can even comprehend.  That's the truth and I will cling to that truth and not be distracted with the lies that come knocking at my door.  I have pulled in the welcome mat on "Lies!"
 
As you read this poem my prayer is that it will bless you in ways that you didn't even know that you needed to be blessed in!!!  God is so good.  He is faithful!!!!  You don't have to run by your feelings anymore you can run by your believing that God is who he says he is......He is the GREAT I AM!!!!  He loves you so much and you are precious in his sight!!!
 
 
Lord, Yet Will I Praise You…

Even when You choose not to answer my why’s

Even when life doesn’t seem fair…

Even when my precious daughter is taken from my very arms…

Even when my two sons, that I loved so deeply, chose paths that led to destruction…

Even when the lies of satan are roaring, like the waves of an angry sea slapping up against the rocks, and whispering in my ears….and I believe them….for a season…

Even when there are "Secrets" that are hidden within my marriage…

Even when my marriage is terminated…

Even when my mother is suddenly taken from my life…there will be no more long conversations, laughter over the most recent prank she had pulled, wisdom she poured into my life…and the legacy of a beautiful life lived with my Dad…

Even then Lord, yet will I praise you!!!

I trust YOU Lord, and YOU alone to deliver me, because I have chosen to believe the TRUTH that you spoke to my heart through the words of a song…..that YOU will make all things beautiful in YOUR time…I receive that….

You have cloaked me with your armor…you have told me that when I have done all I can do…I am to stand firm and YOU will protect me…..and you have….

It is my JOY to HONOR YOU…in ALL I do. Lord I stand before you with my head thrown back and my hands lifted high to give you my life to be a reflection of your love and your grace and your mercy that will radiate out to touch the lives of others……..In Jesus most precious name amen and amen!!


Walking by faith,

Deb

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Memories...........

Those of you who are reading this blog probably already know a little of my history and faith walk over the years since the loss of our beautiful daughter Bethany at the young age of eight.  I've read and heard many peoples testimonies where they say "I am so glad that I have the testimony I do.  I wouldn't change a thing because of the power of it."  I've really thought about that.......to be honest with you.......I can't say that.  I'm a Mother who would love to have her daughter back to hug on, kiss on and to hold her hand.  I still remember how to do a mean french braid!!!!  :)  I miss doing that for Bethany!

I miss our laughter together and her silly jokes I had heard over and over again, but I played along.  She would throw her head back laughing and laughing that she'd gotten her Mom again!!!  Or the time that Brian, Paul, Bethany and I went up to the beaver ponds.  I brought clothes along for everyone but me...........yes, I was the one who fell in to the water and had to drive all the way home with a blanket wrapped around me praying that I wouldn't get pulled over and try to explain why I was wrapped all up in a blanket!!!  LOL!!!! 

This past week memories have flooded my mind.  Some good and some not so good.  Both bring tears to my eyes and a pain in my heart that will never be completely the same again.  This is all a part of living and all the events that happen in our lives make us who we are today.  We do have a choice through it all though.  We can choose a life of bitterness and say God, why did this happen?  We were good people.  We served you as best we could and knew how to do.  How many times have I heard......BUT..........we tithe!!!!!  Like that is some card we hold to pass on the bad stuff and waltz on to collect our $200 as we pass GO!!!!! 

What I am so thankful for is a faithful God who has preserved our family through the "bad stuff."  We are survivors only because of God who was with us even when we didn't "feel" his presence.  (2 Cor. 12:9-10)  If I have enough faith in my God then I will trust that he is always there right when I need him because his word tells me that he is an on time God!  "I will make all things beautiful in my time."  (Eccl. 3:11)  Our testimony has impacted I couldn't tell you how many lives.  God has honored that request.......that through Bethany's death it would make a difference.  With my whole heart I am so thankful to God for that!!

Because of all that I have experienced with God through his rescuing and delivering me I know God is who he says he is and he will do what he says he will do...........in his time.........because he knows the future and I do not!!!  He is my God and I will hold on tightly when the storms come by......and they do come. 

Will God find me faithful?  Will he find you faithful?  It's our choice.  Sweet times will come again......just differently.  Strength, faith, hope, and even peace will come again.  God's word says to cast all your cares on him.......he wants our burdens to be light.  (Ps. 55:22)

God has a plan and a purpose for your life(Jer. 29:11).......seek him for it.  Maybe he has already told you......act on it........just start moving..........(I think I remember seeing some footprints in the sand the other day at the beach.........)

Walking by Faith,

Deb

New Day Today........

Don't you love the start of a brand new day?  It's a day to start over, or a day to finish something, or a day to start something new.  This day has the potential to be whatever you want it to be.  You are in control........right?  You have a choice.  BUT the question is are you willing to turn this day over to God?  I don't know about you, but I have a very hard time of letting go.  I feel the job can't really be done without my hand in it.  Have I ever been wrong!!!!  LOL!!!!  Through doing things my way they don't turn out so well and I really struggle and get frustrated.  I've noticed a trend though.  When I invite God in to my day from the very beginning I get a lot more done and I'm even more content.  Proven fact over and over again........sometimes I can be a very slow learner!!!!  :)

This morning, even though I did not want to get up early.  I just wanted to roll over and get one more hour of sleep in so I would have a full eight hours of sleep.  I think that's good sound reason for not getting up, don't you?  I was just laying my head back down and settling down on my pillow and started praying as God placed people on my heart to pray for  and I got like this jolt of energy (I started to say from I don't know where, BUT I do know it was a jolt of the Holy Spirit!!)  So I listened to it and got up.  I'm a morning person so some of you maybe can't relate to this, but I do love the early morning sounds of a city waking up.  I could hear a train off in the distance, birds wings fluffing, cooing from the doves, cars driving by, a door slamming, voices from a distance.  I could go on and on. 

Then I love the visual light changes of the day as the sun is coming up so radiant.  It's still cool here on a Arizona morning so my windows and doors are open to let in the fresh air and cooling breezes while I can do that.  Hearing the sounds and seeing the birth of a brand new day makes me smile.  This day is going to be a good day. 

I am reminded of this scripture:  "Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth.  Sing to the Lord, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day.  Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.  For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise.........
Psalm 96:1-4a

What is your song today?  What will you do with this brand new day?  How will you celebrate your life?  How can you make a difference in someones life today?  These are good questions..........By the end of the day God and I will have the answers!!!

Blessings and love to you all.........

Walking by Faith,
Deb