Words and Thoughts.......Thoughts and Words

Several years ago as the pain of all of the losses I have had in my life were whirling around in my mind causing me to feel unsettled, sad, lonely, un-valued, unworthy, etc.....etc........I found some of the words forming just made good sense.  Life is not fair, true.  Life can hurt, true.  I can live a life that is stuck, true.  I can move through, true.  It won't be easy, true.  I have help, true.

 

As all of these thoughts bumped in to one another I felt impressed to write a poem about some of my feelings.  As I started writing I felt all the emotion that you would expect to feel and then some!  My chest would feel so tight and then the tears came, but the need to write the pain out was stronger than my bruised and battered emotions I was experiencing.  What started out as painful turned in to a healing time, at least a start.........

 

As I am reading what I wrote I am amazed at how all the emotions I felt as I wrote it then come boiling right up to the surface again, but it's different.  I'm different.  I'm different because of the healing hand of my Heavenly Father who carried me through the storms that threatened to consume my body, mind and soul.  I didn't want to go on with life when pain came knocking at my door and stayed there for over ten years and then came back for more.  I slowly realized that I was trying to handle all of that pain on my own.  I couldn't do it and I was quickly drowning.  My masks were starting to crack and reveal what I was trying so valiantly to hide.  What will people think and say if they see the "real" me? 

 

God speaks to me a lot through song.  I love that!!!  I enjoy music so much.......it helps me to let go and let God as I let the lyrics wash over my ravaged body, mind and soul.  It soothes me in a way nothing else can because it is given to me by God.  It's so special to me.  A gift from God to me to show me I am his Princess and He loves me beyond what I can even comprehend.  That's the truth and I will cling to that truth and not be distracted with the lies that come knocking at my door.  I have pulled in the welcome mat on "Lies!"

 

As you read this poem my prayer is that it will bless you in ways that you didn't even know that you needed to be blessed in!!!  God is so good.  He is faithful!!!!  You don't have to run by your feelings anymore you can run by your believing that God is who he says he is......He is the GREAT I AM!!!!  He loves you so much and you are precious in his sight!!!

 

 

Lord, Yet Will I Praise You…

Even when You choose not to answer my why’s

Even when life doesn’t seem fair…

Even when my precious daughter is taken from my very arms…

Even when my two sons, that I loved so deeply, chose paths that led to destruction…

Even when the lies of satan are roaring, like the waves of an angry sea slapping up against the rocks, and whispering in my ears….and I believe them….for a season…

Even when there are "Secrets" that are hidden within my marriage…

Even when my marriage is terminated…

Even when my mother is suddenly taken from my life…there will be no more long conversations, laughter over the most recent prank she had pulled, wisdom she poured into my life…and the legacy of a beautiful life lived with my Dad…

Even then Lord, yet will I praise you!!!

I trust YOU Lord, and YOU alone to deliver me, because I have chosen to believe the TRUTH that you spoke to my heart through the words of a song…..that YOU will make all things beautiful in YOUR time…I receive that….

You have cloaked me with your armor…you have told me that when I have done all I can do…I am to stand firm and YOU will protect me…..and you have….

It is my JOY to HONOR YOU…in ALL I do. Lord I stand before you with my head thrown back and my hands lifted high to give you my life to be a reflection of your love and your grace and your mercy that will radiate out to touch the lives of others……..In Jesus most precious name amen and amen!!

Walking by faith,

Deb